Yesterday I thought that I'd try to start blogging my wedding planning experience. I thought it would be a good way to keep our families up to date with the decisions I'm making; a piece of me thought I might be as good at it as the wedding blogs I read. I thought maybe I could represent a different viewpoint.
Then, last night S didn't come over. He told his dad that he didn't want us to get married. He said that I yell too much, that I'm too mean, and that he didn't want to be at our house when we're there. K & I thought that S was just being 13 and acting out. Then, K talked to A - who said that C had to leave the house last weekend because she was so upset & wanted to get away from me. What we thought was a trip to the library, was C escaping me.
...and everything came tumbling down...
I've told K from the very beginning that if his kids weren't happy, things would change. And now we know they're not happy. Not only that, but they're hiding it from us. And all A hears about me is that I yell at them all the time. So she thinks I'm a terrible person & evidently says mean things about me to the kids.
So, I started looking for apartments, figuring it would be easier for me to leave than him - with his 3 kids, even though it's my house. K broke down. I've never seen him like that. So, I stopped looking - and said we could talk about it. I had to convince him that there's a problem; he doesn't want to believe that his kids don't love me as much as he does.
And now the plan is for K to talk to the kids. Tell them that it's OK that they don't want us to get married; that we understand & we'll take the time to figure this out. But, in the meantime, they have to move out. It's not fair to K & I for them to stop the wedding & expect everything to stay the same. Although, the thought of having an empty house hurts me more than I know how to say.
I don't know if that's the right thing to do. I don't know what the right thing to do is. I don't want to teach S that if he throws a big enough fit, he'll get his way. I do want the kids to be in a happy and safe environment. I don't want them to feel the way I did growing up. I don't want to live without my K.
