Kids Aren't an Accessory

I believe I mentioned this earlier, but one of my biggest issues with the Wedding Industry* is how they treat children. In general, children are treated like accessories. I read posts about how cute little girls will look decked out in tutus, fairy wings or insanely expensive dresses. Or articles about dressing little boys in little suits with baby Converses, or preppy sweaters and khakis.

All of this outfit obsession makes sense - wedding planning has a tendency to make a person pay attention to the craziest details. It makes me kind of sad, though.

The thing is, clothes are all people talk about regarding the kids in many situations. Or, they obsess about what could happen if one of these little people doesn't perform as the bride expects.

The thing that no one is talking about is the fact that these are kids! They're not trained animals or dolls to dress up and set on their way. They're little people who have feelings, and to include them in a wedding is not just adding one more accessory to the bridal party.

For us, having kids in the wedding has meant involving them in both the planning process & the ceremony. I'm frequently trying to find the right balance between having the kids involved and making sure the things that are very important to either one of us happen the way we want them to.

To start with, we picked something for each of the kids to help us with & then asked them if they'd help with that item. Now that we've settled on what they were helping with, they have pretty free reign on what that will look like. It also gives us the opportunity to really work closely with them. S is going to be helping us pick out the food for the reception. That's something we'll all get to do together. P is building the candy buffet & we've already had some fun brainstorming the different types of candy. C is going to really own the kids area & I'm hoping to get to work on some DIY projects with her for that.

We've also involved them in other activities beyond their "assigned" ones. We took them with us when we went cake tasting, listened to their opinions & made decisions based on them; we include them in random wedding errands & listen to their opinions. I'm not always good at this, I have a tendency to make up my mind & then be stuck in it & not listen to any other ideas.

It breaks my heart when I hear about a little girl who fell in love with a beautiful dress, but it wasn't exactly what the bride wanted - so they spend time & tears convincing the little girl that she can't have it. I wonder if it really matters - is it more important that the bride loves the dress or the girl wearing it loves it?

I would love to see brides thinking more about the kid involved & how to make them feel like a special part of the wedding. Dressing a child up & sending them down the aisle doesn't make them feel like a special part of a wedding. Letting them choose their dress, their basket, having them help you choose the ring bearer pillow they'll carry, does include them. It tells them that their opinion is important and takes them from being an accessory to contributing something substantial, that they may remember for years.

*When I say "Wedding Industry", I mean the websites, magazines and blogs that I've read. I'm generalizing, based on my impressions of what I've read. As we all know, generalizations can be a bad thing & frequently don't apply to at least one individual reading the generalization. My apologies if you're that individual. Just assume I'm not talking about you.