Moving Forward

So, K & I talked a lot. We talked about what this meant, we talked about whether or not there was an issue. We talked about how to handle it & came to the conclusion that he needed to talk to the kids. And that if they didn't want us to get married, they had to move out until we could figure this all out.

It was hard; the idea of living without K was hard. But, if the kids aren't happy in the house (fundamentally unhappy, not the "I'm in trouble so I hate you" unhappy), then we owe it to them to get it fixed. Our relationship won't be successful if the kids aren't bought into this too.

Then, K talked to the kids. K asked the kids if they wanted us to get married & the girls said yes. S didn't say anything. K asked the kids if they wanted to move, the girls said no. S didn't say anything; K let it sit for awhile & saw the tears well up in S's eyes. When K asked again, S said he didn't want to leave. K asked him what needed to change for him to be happy & he said he didn't know. I don't want to force him into anything, nor do I want to bribe him; I want him to participate in our family, have fun and be happy. I worry that no matter what I do, he will decide to be miserable and there's nothing I can do to change that.

Based on the conversations, wedding plans are continuing and hopefully I can start writing what I originally wanted this blog to be about - wedding planning fun. In the meantime, I want K & A to talk to the kids together, and get one answer to some of the questions. And we're going to put a bigger focus on K doing things with his kids - individually & the four of them.

The question is, how do you handle a thirteen year old who isn't willing to give anything a try?